Sat. Sep 29, 2012 11:26 pm
I wanted to try acupuncture with my son. It has been a rough couple months. He wakes almost every night . . . screaming, slamming doors, aggresive, jumping up and down, frustrated, and agitated for hours.....this was all that came to mind.
I found a doctor who would treat him, because he is over 18, because he is severely autistic, because I said we needed help.
I told him we were going to a doctor, he said ouch and touched the inside of his arm. (giving blood) I said no for your brain. (he looked for his passport, I had taken him to Panama for stem cell treatments).
The doctor is kind and asks if she can talk to Marley, he just looks at me as he lays down. The first one goes in his scalp. Those are the thick ones, the ones that hurt. His eyes get huge, and he tries to get off the bed. But I say no and hold his hands. He stares at me with terrified eyes that say "why are you doing this" better than his mouth ever could. His heart is beating out of his chest and his eyes look from the doctor to me and back to the doctor. But he stays because I tel him to.
This will make you better, calmer, smarter, I start saying over and over in the calmest voice I have. He repeats each time, "better . . . calmer . . . smarter . . ." as he watches her tap the needles that stick out of his arms and legs and feet.
She leaves. I hold his hands and keep up with the mantra. He repeats each time, "better . . . calmer . . . smater". After 20 minutes I decide to change and try and sing but he wants none of it (I don't blame him) he wants me just to keep saying ". . .better, calmer, smarter."
After 45 minutes, that feel like three hours, the doctor comes in and removes the needles. When she takes out the ones from the scalp, they bleed. Marley sees the blood and does not appreciate it. He pokes me hard in the neck and yells with his angriest face. I feel bad but I keep thinking, what if this is it? What if this is the thing that makes him better . . . calmer . . . smarter?